i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
