The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
