Hey man sorry I got all grabby
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
