it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Randomize