Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
its not stalking. its research.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
