Small penises have feelings too.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
