New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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