Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
