i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I got inside last night via doggy door
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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