opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
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