no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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