In the future we'll all be gay
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize