FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
