while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
