remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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