Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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