I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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