i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
