Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
well you can't waste a boner
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
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