the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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