I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
