I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
