In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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