Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
