This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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