Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
