what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I look better un-naked...
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
