I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
There's even glitter on my cock...
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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