Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Randomize