He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
