whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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