party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
You smell like stripper and shame
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
