i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
