Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
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