my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
