Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
