can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
home. puking in laundry basket.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Randomize
