you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
