the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
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