So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
