Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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