Even the bartender felt bad for me
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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