Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
