Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
did i just pee glitter
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
