Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
