well I can't set my house on fire every night
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
