there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I wish there were birth control emojis
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
