Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize
