My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
