Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
