I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
