I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
