Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize