is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
