So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize