Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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