I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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