Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
