I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
