So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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