The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
