Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
