Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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