She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
