Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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