did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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