Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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