Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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