Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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