EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
