He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize